Out of My Mind!

Posted: December 13, 2015 in Biography, Mind, Twisted, Uncategorized

He sits there, gazing into the last rays of the evening Sun.

He is shrouded in a white Armani shirt whose cuffs are past bearing the brunt of the past 10 years, one which was of a sharp fit but now hangs on his frame, God knows it hasn’t been easy at all. The wrinkled trousers have started to fade in places, a patchwork of a senile child prodigy.

He dons special editions maroon Matsudas, 1 of only 50 EVER made. Its been relegated from avoiding the all-encompassing paparazzi, whose darling he was long ago to shielding his ageing, weak eyes from the progressively harsh world.

He sits still…focused on the rays, as if hoping to acknowledge each particle before it goes its own disciplined way. There are numbers running through his head. That’s what they say..apart from all the other things that they have said, say and will say about him. What do I say…? Nothing. I think its ideas he’s germinating. I think its ideas he’s sending across the universe with those sun rays. To be picked up by someone on another planet, or to be translated into action in a parallel universe by a parallel him.

Hundreds still flock to him, they never speak, he never talks, not in the traditional way anyhow, not in the way we perceive anyway. Some come to meet him, most come to mock him, only one comes everyday. He was once a beggar. He’s loyal to Him now.

As the Sun sets, the dust settles, a unseen fog rolls in into the compound. The only sound heard, was the warden switching off the lights of the Mental Institution.





Holy Cow Swag!

An Atheist Indian born into a liberal Hindu family, born and bred in a liberal cosmopolitan by tolerant liberal understanding Hindu parents, surrounded by different races, castes and religions and friends with MOST of them. I received my education from Christian missionaries who didn’t try to force their version down my throat. My most fierce academic competitor at that little age was a Muslim boy who also happens to be the funniest, most relaxed and the easiest to get along guy I’ve had the good fortune of calling my friend.

That was, in favor of full disclosure, a concise backdrop of where the following stems from.

Dearest Hon’bl Prime Minister,

I eat beef ! (I will NEVER ask a Hindu to serve me beef) I also eat pork ! (I will NEVER ask a Muslim to serve me pork) I’ve also eaten an octopus, a snake, parts of a horse and also deer and I Loved All of It (although i like these “fauna” only when prepared in the way of continental cuisines). In short I’ve made sure that ONLY through my eating habits I get disqualified, and in today’s times even disavowed by almost all religions.  It is, as a human first, and as an Indian, my prerogative, my birthright AND MY duty (till the time I might be put on a ventilator or am comatose) to decide what to put in MY body. Food has never been and should NEVER be a “state-controlled” propaganda machine. Period.

I’ve been an atheist for sometime now, not because of a sudden unfortunate happenstance which corroded my Faith. It was precise, scientific questioning of all facts, reasoning and logical explanation made available to me. I thoroughly respect other people’s faith in a higher power and a supreme being, whatever version one might be indoctrinated in OR choose to live by. Belief in a certain Religion or Customs or a belief system can NEVER guarantee the Merits of an Individual or a cohort of people. Inasmuch is our need to simplify and categorize everybody and everything so as to not tax our brains too much, the “ritual” of setting religious beliefs as parameters of Good and Evil No longer makes sense. In a short life span, I’ve experienced that the chasm that exists between the two ends of the spectrum of human virtues can never be fulfilled by just religion. It does make for a worthy guide but is never the piece which fits the puzzle. “State-controlled” Religion is a fallacy and a delusion utopia, one which can never be achieved. You ONLY need to look as far as our neighbors.

This post/open letter is the unholy child of two phenomenons which have cropped up recently in my own life and has made me to ponder. The first one, that is on a larger scale, is the recent ongoing issues of Beef Ban, Cow slaughtering,The unfortunate Dadri Murder over paranoid false suspicions and the second, much closer to home is an issue which creeps up every year during this time of Nav-Ratri in the society where my family now resides. The society where we reside now, is predominantly MUSLIM, as such for the past 6 odd years, the 12-15 Hindu families have never felt threatened by the 50 odd Muslim families  whom we call neighbors. There exist some spectacular people from both faiths and some rather despicable ones as well from both faiths. Every year, the Muslim community raises issues over the Hindu faction bringing in the idol of Goddess Durga and conducting the rites and rituals of the festival. (this being said, I’d like to add that its just a mild mannered suggestion or an advice and NOT a intolerant diktat).  I do NOT understand this phenomenon. I wish there was a way to assuage their doubts WITHOUT pandering to their rather nonsensical notions of what should and what should NOT be.

While this subtle resistance exists on the micro level and closer to home, the reverse trend had been manifesting itself on the larger platform and in a much harsher, stronger, superbly intolerant AND arrogant and a calamitous way. This does not bode well for the India of your and my dreams Mr. Prime Minister. 

Our collective conscience is in desperate need of a course correction. We were meant to be the pivotal generation that changes the future of Our Country and the World, You’ve claimed the same on many a platform. But we’re being progressively silenced by these aggressive radical dolts and unfortunately so are You.

For all those decrying the sacredness of the cow, I throw a challenge YOUR way…Next time you’re out of your “well” and you see a YOUR Most Holy and Beloved Cow suffering from malnutrition and probably heat stroke, go adopt the damned animal. Next time, it takes you an hour instead of 10 minutes to reach your destination, go take the initiative to move the damn animal, picnicking bang in the middle of the road, to the side AND call an Animal shelter Home. Next time you choose to prostate, touch or sprinkle the animal’s sacred urine on your body, feed it a proper diet for a year instead of leaving it to munch on plastic bags and glass shards.

I must admit, that i am going to publish this with a tinge of fear and THAT is the state of affairs that has been whipped up in your country.

Maybe its a media run propaganda, maybe its ONLY a few selected pockets of our vast nation where this has been happening for centuries BUT only being highlighted to deride you Mr. Prime Minister. But It IS happening and putting the onus on the state government wasn’t something i’d come to expect from a man of strong words and action.

I implore the few on the fringes who do read this to not trivialize the challenges facing us and overshadow it through radicalism.The sole vice that you possess of being the loudest, DOES NOT bestow upon the likes of you and your actions righteousness.

I know i just jumped on the click baiting bandwagon there, without the horse being hitched to the wagon in the 1st place…

But things came unhinged, ever so slightly, when i decided to watch Bahubali, the much anticipated, the much acclaimed the much revenue churning machine brought to you by yours Truly Mr. Rajamouli.

Now let me disclaim in the beginning, that i don’t have shit on Mr. Rajamouli, He’s way too talented. I am simply ranting here as a movie goer, heck even as a cheerleader for Indian cinema.

What was the point of the movie?

Why such a massive canvas when all one had to do was to pander to the lesser sensibilities, ANYWAY, and doodle the same kindergarten stuff on a, what could possibly have been Indian cinema’s St.Peter’s Celing.

He has, rather had, the wherewithal to pull a Picasso, heck, even a Da Vinci, But he just got a bad case of the nerves and How.

Except, Ramya, who you can always depend on for a spectacular performance, the rest of the cast seemed to laboriously  snore, not in sync that too, through the whole making.

The first scene where she lifts up a infant Bahubali over her head as she goes under water was frankly the only good thing about the movie and if it had just ended their I would have been more than happy. Its been a long time since I have seen such a macho thing being pulled off with such flair. Kudos to everyone responsible on that 1.

But what the F**K happen after that. You have a dolt who wants to climb a waterfall, keeps falling, doesn’t break as much as a nail of his toes. Is he made of admantium?

There’s a female lead, who goes feminist on everybody’s arse and i mean EVETYBODY’S , until a closet makeup artist cum designer cum warrior cum secret reincarnation cum all-round do-good-er cum psychotic lover does her up, all organic AND natural and they “supposedly” make out. On their first meeting that too. Who knew…??

Makeup and clothes gets you major points with the ladies!

Makeup and clothes gets you major points with the ladies!

Then there’s the estranged mother, there ALWAYS is an estranged mother, (Why is there ALWAYS an estranged mother?), who has reportedly spent 25 years chained, picking up sticks who picks up the baton where Rakhee dropped it in Karan Arjun and takes it a several notches higher or lower, don’t know any longer! and there’s a evil ruler who fights genetically modified bulls with a lost smirk on his face yada yada yada…That what the movie is yada yada yada.

There’s the useless(Literally) sly son, the crippled Dad vicariously living through his Artificially Modified Numb Nut of a son aka the Evil Usurper.

There’s a big showdown where the Queen Mother breastfeeds the 2 prospective to-Be-Kings smack in the middle of a full court meeting and right after slicing The chief revolter to death and explaining in shady terms the concept of “Statecraft”, that would have made Political Scientists in JNU super proud OR cringe to their demise.

The elaborate war scene could have been so much slicker but it sucks everything from the audience, from the movie, from the theater even. It just sucks so bad that it sucked the rain right out of the clouds once the ordeal finished.

How did a sub-species of, what could only be described as an African tribe, reach wherever this Kingdom Mahishmati was..? (they had a click in their speech)

Who AND why do you have a character like “Katappa” and WHAT do you do with him? He’s like the unholy offspring of Brutus and Shakuni Mama.

It just ends up being an unfortunate mishmash of concepts, where the oppressed civilians still wear tonnes of gold, as is the tradition for oppressee.

Why can’t we Indian ever be better storytellers, shorter ones at least. If Troy could be told and Gladiator could be told, heck if Inception could have been told in less than 120 minutes, what extraordinary stream of consciousnesses has Mr.Rajamouli attained that he needs an ungodly 6 hours spread over 2 years to tell the same old shit.

Mr.Rajamouli, my co-founder and me spent our lunch AND dinner money to go view this piece of unfortunate cinema.

We returned exhausted, mentally, physically (My eyes and heart account for that 1) and spiritually, Lord Shiva clearly didn’t have his shit together back in those good ol’ days backing REALLY messed up folks.

By the time this piece of unfortunate writing gets over, we would have wasted a total of 24 hours trying to recover from your abomination.

Please, for everyone’s sake, be BETTER.

We know you CAN be.

I Burn Alone.

Posted: September 10, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

Man is a social animal. We have been fed this since our childhoods.

Many of us have been “sincere” enough to even use it in our opulent essays in our Grade 4 exams. what it essentially tells us is that man at all stages in his/her life requires attention to the extent of even craving for it. We need human contact to supposedly remain sane, to remain human.

In this superficially acceptable phenomenon most of us bump from one relation to another, seek refuge in somebody’s heart to try to fill the void, to seek our mind’s image in someone else’s eyes. As we grow up, grow older we tend to forget the deep hidden truth, but a truth nevertheless, that Man need not be a social animal at all, that is but an illusion like all others to keep us weak. We have the inherent courage to live our lives fully in the realm of a solitary existence and make much out of it. Why do I say all this and with what authority?

I am no authority to the extent that I despise most authority, but this is what I have come to believe

This provocative (to some) thought of Man being, at their very foundation, A solitary animal and by no means a social one. From the very start of our lives , when we victoriously emerge from our mother’s womb, we stand alone in crying while everybody else is congratulating everybody else. While we grow up no matter how protected we are under our parents watchful eyes, we battle our personal fears alone every night with our heads under the blanket, we battle bullies every day in the school playground by avoiding going in “their” territory by staying in the class alone, we wage a war against our shyness when we don’t participate by silently cursing ourselves in our heads while on the outside we carry a smile, when a person that we like makes fun of us quite unknowingly, we cry inside, alone.

This trend continues into adulthood, where quite unknown and secure in the fact that we have our friends to rely on, loneliness permeates our being in ways we fail to notice. Ever wondered why you took up smoking, tear away at the layers of fake reasons you shall find loneliness at its heart. Wonder why we need to constantly regale our minds with “Retail therapy”, seek and you shall find loneliness at its very heart. Ever given a thought to the dissatisfaction that stares at you on your desk job, its not your boss…it your loneliness. Why do all of us fall in love….more often than not fail in it quite a bit and pretend to love, not because the other person is amazing but we manage to fill the void that we feel because of our loneliness

Man was made not as a part of a larger whole, but a whole in itself.

As times rolls on, people who come to terms with their innate loneliness, I feel are more successful than those who spend their lives chasing a way to fill it up.

Its been said that a man’s character and his life can be summed up by looking at the number and kind of people present at his/her funeral.

I say this now, that I don’t want anyone wasting their time coming to mine, because whether there is one or a million in attendance.

At the end of it all I shall Burn Alone and none so benevolent to Burn With me.

For I shall Burn Alone.

Relationships-Marriages, the foundation of civilization, the cornerstone of civil society and more of such erroneous and deviant deductions.

Why am I writing about the need of these binding institutions? Have we ever paused in our tracks and wondered – “Are we REALLY required to be a civil arrangement of any sort ?”

Am I a scorned Being who’s affections were prematurely spurned (it does happen with alarming frequency..:-/ ) or Am I one who’s never managed to be in a relationship? 

Or am I one of those who are not strong enough to make and thereby stick to a moral commitment required in such an arrangement? (I most definitely can..)

At the outset, let me assure you, upon my honor, that I’m in fact none of the above, I’ve actually been in all of the aforementioned situations and thereby have a reasonable amount of experience to fall back upon for this particular treatise.

Now that that’s out of the way, lets get down to brass tacks…

Q. What’s a relationship? A. A social arrangement, setting 2 individuals’ destinies upon a common path brought together due to their common interests, sensibilities and aspirations or in layman terms, LOVE.

Q. What is the usual progression of a relation? A. Usually starts off with surreptitious meetings, most often in parks, on benches, under large-shade giving trees, or night time stalking of the female close to her habitat. This initial phase is unmistakably accompanied by the presence of out-of-the-world vows, metaphorical gifts often denoting a certain blood-circulating organ and constant pleads of “I am different from everyone else” (unimaginative). This leads to open flaunting of material wealth by showering expensive gifts. Then there’s the usual physical intimacy thing that happens. It is safe to deduce that the actual position and frequency of this act varies and Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle is on full display here.

Then of course, there’s the whole gamut of feelings such as jealousy, whimsical hatred, occasional flirting, irritability and other negative emotions which tend to turn previously exciting occurrences into blood-curdling,tedious and drab rigours of life.

Q: Ummm… Very well, ohhkayy Soooo.. Do I need a relationship then..? A: Very good question… Simple answer- NO. As to why, I shall proceed to explain..

Every Human Being is not equal, here I speak strictly in terms of their potential, the sensibilities that they hold, the levels of awareness that they accept to expose themselves to.

When in a relationship , one tends to uninhibitedly compromise with their true potential. Only to satiate another person’s feelings. One never truly climbs the peaks of their potential only because they are too busy sacrificing themselves bit by bit at the altar of whimsical wants of a paramour.

You say that relationships complete you. Well, you’re lying to your face then, because all that relations succeed in doing is to suppress people into mediocre lives. To lives of injustice to yourself and to the world, because you shall never really understand your sensibilities. You would never really stretch your own limits of accomplished living because you accommodate compromise and happiness in the little joys of life as fulfillment. I disclaim here that this is not an essay against love per say, its against the connotation that love has been degraded to at present.

As a human being, in your own self,  you’re fully equipped to fulfill your own moral and spiritual needs, if you choose to blindside your higher sensibilities for the sake of feelings, you commit a moral crime. If for the few moments of security in another’s arms you let your true potential go unfulfilled, then you are indeed no better than those who are devoid of any sensibilities whatsoever.

Be true to your sensibilities…! Keep your aspirations alive.


It will only be as simple or as complicated as we make it out to be.

In your weakest moment, when your world is crumbling all around you, you will come face to face with your God and he will ask you, “Will you shrug it off..??”

You see, there’s never a right answer to this rhetorical question. There never was.

If you choose to shrug, liberating as it might be in the short term, you will be dogged by your own weakness of will forever.

If you choose to carry your cross, be sure to be crucified.

This is what happened in the life of Noah. He was, by his own admissions, the epitome of the baser human qualities. He loved  Allie in his own  feverish, impatient love. He loved her and wanted her with a passion he had thought himself incapable of achieving. Achieve he did though.

He shared a curious and a magical connection with Allie who he believed was the love of his life, his soul mate. Her love made him believe in God once again.

Noah worked in a coal mine, he had worked there all of his 24 years. As in life so as in work, he occupied the basest of places. In many ways he had been tarnished by the stain of the coal which had not only blackened his skin, but his heart too.

Allie, on the other hand was an epitome of all that was beautiful and good with the world. She reveled in painting, She was most alive when she was surrounded by beauty.

Thus both of them falling for each other, made a curious cleave in the plans of the God. At the time, Allie was engaged to be married of to a handsome young scion so her falling for Noah over the summer, was indeed a conundrum.

Noah’s closest friends, part jealous, part out of concern warned him against Allie’s feelings. Her intentions, they believed were not as true as he believed, that for her Noah was just a fleeting entertainment.

Noah chose to believe otherwise. He hadn’t planned to live and die in the coal mines. He had a grand vision for his life. He had dreams which had strengthened him to dig deeper in those mines in his darkest days.

When fall set in, in spite of his almost religious reverence for Allie, he was left there standing alone. He had read somewhere, that the good is oft interred with the bones, its the bad that people remember.

Those words crashed down upon him at that point in time.

Allie and the world had interred the good of Noah. Was he expecting Allie to help him to climb out of the darkness he was otherwise confined to live in? Was it too much to ask for ?

Had Noah loved Allie too much to believe that she was going to be there when the world crashed down upon him.

It was his doing, he had traveled willingly to this junction.

Its a given, the world around you, will always guess at your corruption, at your baser human qualities. The world will always believe more readily in the bad and evil rather than the good.

Its a price you will have to pay to protect an incorruptible dream.

Its not time for Atlas to Shrug YET…

One Rainy Night.

Posted: August 30, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

“Hello…Hello..Joey can you hear me..?”, Joana called out in her desperation. She wasn’t aware of the torrential rain lashing at her, fogging her designer glasses. She wasn’t aware that Joey had called out her name, for the fifth time now in reply.

She was calling out more with the purpose to reassure herself rather than getting a reply.

It was almost two o’ clock, early morning..very early morning. That was hardly of consequence to either Joan or Joey. They were accustomed to talking to each other all night long. They often shared their dreams, their grand plans, more Joey than Joan, all night and within that limitless horizon, that was host to these creatures, devoid of all social restraints and free from the daily rigmarole, they made it their playground for neither judged the other out there.

It was an other-worldy connection that these two had braved to share. In that one single sentence, Joey’s heart sank more than it ever had. He had by now come to know what each and every nuance, each tone of Joana’s voice meant and indicated.

A crisp precise sliver of lightning cleaved the stormy night, followed by an intense clap of thunder as if  voicing the concerns of the Mighty Gods for these two souls.

In his heart, the eternal optimist that Joey was all his life, he firmly believed that Joana and he were soul mates. He had sufficient evidence to back it. He also had not been an easy prey to cupid this time around. He had weighed the pros and cons of this situation, a million times.

For the first time in his life, he was ready to commit his life to one single person. To himself and his closest friends that in itself was proof enough that Joana was magical.

Joana, for all her feelings felt otherwise and Joey never pushed her to accept it. His reality was always going to be different than hers. This was going to test his patience, his faith, his values and more importantly the truth of his love beyond all limits. This was exactly how it was supposed to be.

She was sobbing, he knew why, they just held on to their phones not uttering a single word. They were rummaging through the rubble of their pasts, each in their own way.

He’d always had had a high threshold of pain, physical and emotional. To hear her cry on that rainy night, was beyond that threshold for him.

How he wish he could hold her close, protect her from the sadness of it all.

He had to brace her against it tonight, strengthen her once more to fight her demons.

He had to brace himself tonight to fight his own demons.